If you’ve ever built a fire, you’d agree that the natural tendency of fire is to go out. It’s not any different from relationships. In the beginning, almost all relationships start with a flaming fire of romance: lengthy discussions into the night, great sex, having dates at several locations, trying new things together, being in each other’s company all the time, etc.
But with time, everything changes and the spark seems to fade. The lengthy discussions gradually drop to less than an hour a day, you have sex a few times a week (or even a month), no more night dates, you crave for space and several other signs that seem to indicate that ‘reality’ has set in. You may still love your partner, but you’re no longer excited about your relationship.
Virtually all relationships go through this phase. However, just because it seems the spark in your relationship is fading doesn’t mean you can’t keep it alive. You can keep your relationship burning with excitement and passion for years or even decades. Here are some ways to keep the spark in your relationship alive.
1. Create one phone-free hour every day
Phones connect us with those who are far away, but at a cost – creating a distance from those around us. Phones can rob you and your partner of the quality time you could have otherwise spent on bonding and catching up on each other’s day.
So close the gap and institute a daily practice of one phone-free hour to appreciate each other’s company. Agree with your partner to ditch your phones and enjoy each other’s company. The world won’t end if you stay from your phone for an hour. Don’t underestimate what one hour daily can do for your relationship.
2. Do the things that made you both fall in love in the beginning
Many times, new couples go the extra mile to make each other happy. But as the relationship continues, they start to underrate the little things they do for each other, forgetting that those things count.
Infuse your relationship with a new spark by reviving those activities you did for each other or together that brought both of you pleasure. It may be shared goals or unusual ways of expressing your love like sending flowers, writing poems, checking on each other a day, planning surprises, etc. Those activities may hold the key to reawakening the excitement, and ‘in-love’ feeling you once experienced.
3. Make date night a norm
For most people, date night is significant only at the beginning of a relationship; once the relationship is solid, the urge to hold regular dates wanes. There seems always to be a reason to postpone until another time till both parties don’t even think about it anymore.
Bring back the regular date nights with your partner and make a commitment to stick to a definite arrangement that works for you both, e.g., once a week or a fortnight. Date night is an opportunity to take a timeout, hold hands, have light-hearted conversations, laugh out loud and spend quality time together.
4. Exchange three love vows
We all have things we want our partner to do. However, they may be unaware of those things. If not checked, this can lead to dissatisfaction or anger about what the other person has no idea. Fix this problem by asking your partner what they want you to do and make a resolution to do them.
These resolutions don’t have to be physical stuff alone; you can also include emotional needs as well. Paying attention to each other’s needs and exchanging vows to do them can help you and partner to become more satisfied with your relationship. And if you are both satisfied, it easy for new, spontaneous show of love to flow in the relationship.
5. Try something new in the bedroom
As time goes by, most relationships move from passionate, ‘break-the-bed’ sex to a routine act. Sex helps couples bond, and when the frequency and passion drops, it makes the relationship a little stale. There are several ways to infuse a new spark into your sex life.
One of such ways is for you both to have sessions where one of you is the ‘giver,’ and the other is the ‘receiver.’ The Giver focuses on giving pleasure to the other by exploring their body and finding their “feel good” spots.
Another way is to have only prolonged sessions of making out. Kissing is still one of the most intimate acts for humans. Put in more effort than just a peck and make out every morning and have a passionate kiss with your partner. Rather than proceed to sex immediately even though you’re both aroused, let the anticipation build and delay it until later when you both decide you’ve had enough of the tease.
6. Have fun together
Virtually all relationships start with couples having fun together. But the time to have fun together soon disappears because of increased demands and shorter deadlines at work, shuffling kids, household chores and every day dull routine.
While these are excuses seem understandable, they shouldn’t be the reason why having fun together takes the back seat in your relationship. Create a time that works for both of you to have fun with each other, goof around, laugh together, try something adventurous together, tease one another and hang out with your friends. Having fun together helps ensure that your partner remains your best friend and share your happy moments with you.
7. Drop the perfectionism
It’s common for couples at the beginning of their relationship to see each other as angels that can do no wrong. Expectations are typically high and seem realistic. However, time and closeness have a proclivity of exposing the flaws of people we thought were perfect. After some disappointments, the excitement about each other wanes because it seems they’re human after all.
If you want to reawaken the spark in your relationship, you need to drop the perfectionism. People who have had years of fantastic relationships have had to adjust to the fact that they were dealing with a person with flaws. Rather than focus on their wrongs, they were gracious and appreciated their partner completely. You should do the same. Make a conscious effort to complain less about what your partner fails to do or say and appreciate them more. 00