Ending a relationship can be one of the most horrible emotional experiences in life. Whether it was their decision or yours, it’s always difficult to cope. The split can turn your world upside down and make life seem gloomy and doomy. It doesn’t matter whether the relationship was several weeks, months or years old, the experience is the same – painful and heart-wrenching.
While it’s okay to grieve over what you had with your ex, dealing with the painful emotions can help you feel better. It’s natural to mope and feel unhappy because of the breakup. But if you want to want heal, you have to get your mind past what has happened and face the life ahead of you. Working through your emotions is not easy as it seems, but things get better when you are patient and kind to yourself.
Here are some tips to help you work your way through a breakup.
1. Vent your pains
The primary mistake people make when they’re hurting from a split is to bottle their emotions. They try to show everything is fine but deep within, they’re a mess. Everyone applauds them for their courage, but no one knows they still cry to bed every night. No one knows that their emotional wounds fester because it’s hidden and untreated.
Rather than hide your pains, express them. The more you communicate your grief, the better you feel. You can express your pains by writing in a diary or talking to a therapist or even to a close friend. If you prefer to speak to someone about it, make sure you’re speaking to the right person who genuinely cares about you. Venting your pains doesn’t mean you should develop mouth diarrhea and talk to anyone available. Choose a way to vent your hurt healthily.
2. Keep your distance
Sometimes, breakups make us wonder if our ex is experiencing pain as we do. It’s the natural inclination to stalk them and see how they’re doing. This is counter-productive and can leave you feeling worse.
Other times, breakups occur amicably. You may have agreed with your ex to remain friends and stay in touch. There’s no problem with the decision. However, while you’re trying to pull yourself together, the last thing you want is seeing your ex everywhere. It would slow down your speed at recovering. So stay away from them for a while. Breaking the communication is not the aim but giving yourself enough time to get back on your feet.
Avoid phone calls, emails, social media and text messages. If you want to stay online and don’t want to block them, unfollow them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and all your other social media accounts.
3. Lean on your friends
Friends are a treasure we don’t deserve. Now is the perfect time to rediscover the joy of true friendship. Surround yourself with your loved ones during this period and draw strength and care from their company.
Don’t hesitate to call your friends and hang out with them. Make sure the friends you reach out to are not mutual friends with your ex (if possible). Tell them how you feel and cry if you need to. They are your friends because they can share your grief, understand you on a deep level, and can comfort you.
You can deal with a breakup better with your loved ones around rather than staying away from everyone.
4. Pursue a new goal
Going through a split tends to make us feel bad about our inability to maintain a relationship. If left unchecked, that feeling may lead to a bout of low self-esteem. Consequently, thoughts may arise bordering on whether you were never enough for your ex. The ideas the human mind produces during an emotional heartbreak can be weird.
However, you don’t want those thoughts if you truly want to deal with the breakup. What you need is to distract yourself. You want to create a new routine that changes the pattern of your thoughts. A helpful way to do that is pursuing a new goal. Working towards a goal and achieving it will help you feel better about yourself and lessen the intensity of the grief you feel.
So, what is it you’ve always wanted to do? Train for a marathon? Learn a new skill? Sign up for a professional course? Take a holiday? Now is the perfect time for it!
5. Take care of yourself
When people go through heartbreaks, they tend to forget their looks. It’s either they’re not eating right or not dressing right or not exercising. Sometimes, people don’t see the need to look good after a breakup. Neglecting your appearance won’t make you feel better. Instead, it will only compound the unhappy feelings you have.
Take care of yourself by eating balanced diets. Overcome the urge to eat junks or consume excess sugar. Make sure you create enough time to exercise daily and put efforts into looking great. Even if you didn’t take care of yourself during your last relationship, now is a great time to start.
However, you must ensure that you don’t take care of yourself with the aim to make your ex get jealous and regret the breakup. Doing this can leave you feeling more emotionally wrecked than ever if you don’t achieve your goal.
6. Review your last relationship
It’s not uncommon for people to live in an illusion about their previous relationship. They refuse to come to terms with what happened in their previous relationship. What exactly led to the breakup? Was it your fault? If it was, you need to be kind to yourself. Heaping blames on yourself increases your pain. Forgive yourself and let the memory go.
Was your ex the reason for the breakup? Was your ex always causing the issues you had? If yes, why feel so sorry for what was never your fault? It’s about time you said “Good riddance to bad rubbish.”
But if it was neither your fault, you need to also come to terms with it. Dealing with your past helps you keep it where it belongs – your past. That way, you can live the present and prepare for the future.
7. Acknowledge all the beautiful things in your life
Your world is not crashing as you think. Your last relationship is not everything as you feel. There’s always something positive you can be happy about. Your relationship is only a part of your life. Remind yourself of all the beautiful things in your life.
As you count all the great things in your life, be grateful for them. Appreciate their presence in your life and decide not to lose focus on them again. If it helps, keep a journal and write all the good things you can remember in your life. As you do, you will be grateful for the things you overlooked, and that is a great way to prepare to enjoy life again.